Practice for chapter 1

“Will I spoil my baby?”

Why.We rarely come up with this question ourselves. More often other people bring it to us—well-meaning people, grandmothers, neighbors, voices from the internet. But your body knows the truth: being held does not spoil a baby. In your arms, your baby feels that the world is safe.

How.

1. Today, simply notice how many times you hear someone else’s “you’ll spoil the baby,” “you’ll get the baby used to being held,” “don’t carry the baby around.”
2. Don’t argue, don’t justify yourself. Just make a mental note.
3. And in the evening, listen inside: whose response rang truer—the anxious voice of someone else, or your own quiet, motherly “this is what my baby needs right now”?

Space to write.How many times today did you hear someone else’s “you’ll spoil the baby”—and what was your heart telling you in that moment?

And whose voice turned out to be closer to the truth?

A mother’s arms don’t spoil. They hold.

Practice for chapter 2

The brain and nervous system

Why.In a hard moment, we want to fix everything at once—distract, correct, stop the crying. But a small brain needs something else. Not fixing, but your presence. Not “stop it,” but “I’m here until the storm passes.”

How.

1. When your baby gets overwhelmed, don’t rush to fix it.
2. Just be there. A calm face, steady breathing, warm hands.
3. Let the storm pass through you both—it always passes.
4. And when it quiets down, gently notice what exactly helped your baby come back to calm.

Space to write.What most often helps my baby calm down—my voice, my hands, my breathing, quiet, movement?

Not to fix, but to stay close until the storm passes.

Practice for chapter 3

The eight-month storm

Why.Sometimes things suddenly get harder. Your baby clings, cries out of nowhere, won’t let you take a single step away. This is not fussiness and not a step backward. Behind a “fussy spell” there is almost always growth—something new is breaking through right now.

How.

1. In a hard stretch, don’t ask yourself, “What am I doing wrong?”
2. Ask a different question: “What is growing in my baby right now?”
3. Watch for it: a new sound, a new movement, a new fear, a new skill.
4. Name it to yourself—and the difficulty will make more sense.

Space to write.What new skill or discovery is breaking through in my baby right now, behind this hard time?

Behind every “fussy spell” there is growth.

Practice for chapter 4

A calm mom

Why.Your baby borrows calm from you. Which means you first need to find calm for yourself—and only then share it. This is not selfishness. It is co-regulation: your steady breath becomes your baby’s safety.

How.

1. Notice the moment when you yourself are on edge.
2. Before you soothe your baby, find your own calm. One deep breath in. One long breath out.
3. And only from that calm, go to your baby.
4. Remember what helped you in particular get your calm back.

Space to write.What brings ME back to calm within one minute—a breath, a window, water, music, quiet, a cup of tea?

First find your own calm—then share it.

Practice for chapter 5

Three minutes of quiet

Why.There is a kind of care that asks nothing of you. Only to be. Three minutes of quiet is not a waste of time but the fullest time of the whole day. In it, you both rest.

How.

1. Sit so that you can see your baby’s face. In your arms, on your lap, beside you on a mat—whatever is comfortable.
2. Breathe in once, deeply. And breathe out slowly—let your shoulders drop.
3. Whisper one warm phrase to your baby. For example: “You’re my little wizard.” Or one of your own.
4. And fall silent. For three minutes. Just look at that little face and listen to the breathing.
5. Thoughts will come—don’t fight them; gently come back to your baby’s face.
6. When the time is up, don’t jump up. Stretch, hug your baby, stay a little longer.
7. And then write down one honest word about what is inside you. Not a sentence—one word.

Space to write.

7-day tracker. Mark the days when you managed to spend some time in quiet:

Word of the day—one honest word after the quiet (“warm,” “still,” “home,” “it was calm”):

• Day 1
• Day 2
• Day 3
• Day 4
• Day 5
• Day 6
• Day 7

Sometimes it is enough simply to be near.

Practice for chapter 6

Held close, skin to skin

Why.Your baby doesn’t understand words yet—but understands touch perfectly. Skin to skin, a palm on the tummy, gentle little stretches—this is the first language in which you say, “I’m here, you’re safe, you’re loved.”

How.

1. A touch “hello”: warm palms resting softly on the tummy and chest. Just hold them there.
2. Stretches (potyagushki): carefully, without effort, gently straighten the little legs and bend them again, stroke the arms from shoulder to palm. Don’t pull on the arms or legs. Slowly, with a smile.
3. Rock your baby—but more slowly than your anxious rhythm. Let your calm set the pace, not the other way around.
4. When you have the chance and you are awake—skin to skin: your baby’s face uncovered, for a few minutes, simply close. If you start to feel drowsy, move your baby to the crib.

Space to write.What did I notice in my baby—and in myself—during the touch “hello”? How did my baby’s breathing and face change?

Touch is the first “I’m here” your baby understands.

Practice for chapter 7

A walk that brings you back to yourself

Why.A walk is not only fresh air for your baby. It is minutes for you. Shoulders back, steady breathing, a color that pleases the eye. A small reset in the middle of the day—for you both.

How.

1. Posture: lift your head, straighten your shoulders. Your body will tell your mood that all is well.
2. Breathing: breathe in for about four steps, breathe out a little longer—for five or six. The exact numbers don’t matter; there is one guide: the out-breath is longer than the in-breath.
3. Find three colors that please your eye today. Just notice them.
4. Don’t hurry to get there. The road itself is the practice.

Space to write.

7-day walk tracker:

Three colors today—what pleased my eye on the walk:

• Day 1
• Day 2
• Day 3
• Day 4
• Day 5
• Day 6
• Day 7

The road is a practice too. There is no need to hurry.

Practice for chapter 8

Daily rhythms

Why.A baby feels calmer where the world is predictable. Not a strict minute-by-minute schedule, but small repeated rituals by which your baby recognizes: “I know what comes next.” This is something for your baby to lean on. And for you too.

How.

1. Don’t rebuild your whole day. Choose one small ritual.
2. It could be the morning (how you greet the day), sleep (what always comes before sleep) or food (how a meal begins).
3. Repeat it—gently, without rigidity. If you miss it, that’s all right.
4. Let it be your shared anchor, one you can moor to on any day.

Space to write.Which one small, predictable ritual do I choose—and how will it sound each day?

My rhythm anchor—when:

What we do:

A predictable ritual is an anchor you can moor to.

Practice for chapter 9

The “I didn’t fall apart today” box

Why.On hard days it seems to us that we got nothing done and failed at everything. But the truth is, you held on. Every day you live through with your baby is already a victory. You just have to learn to notice these victories.

How.

1. Every evening, find one micro-win. A really small one.
2. “I breathed when I wanted to scream.” “We went out for a walk.” “I hugged instead of scolding.” “I just made it to the evening”—that counts too.
3. Write it down here. In one line.
4. After a week, read them again—and you will see what you are really like.

Space to write.Today I didn’t fall apart, because:

One day when I truly notice myself—what do I want to say to myself for all this time?

A child doesn’t need a mom who has disappeared. A child needs a mom who is alive.

Practice for chapter 10

Loving yourself is the source

Why.Loving yourself is not a reward you still have to earn. It is the foundation. Everything else grows out of it—calm, and tenderness, and the strength to be close without dissolving completely. First, put the oxygen mask on yourself.

How.

1. Make a list of micro-care—things that take 5–15 minutes.
2. Not “go to a spa someday,” but what is realistic today: a warm shower without rushing, a cup of tea standing by the window, a favorite song, a couple of pages of a book.
3. Choose at least one thing from this list each day.
4. And repeat to yourself—not “I’ll be enough when…” but “I am already enough.”

Space to write.My 5–15 minutes of micro-care—the things that fill me up in particular:

• ☐
• ☐
• ☐
• ☐
• ☐
• ☐
• ☐
• ☐

Finish this by hand, quietly and without conditions: “I am already enough because…”

Loving yourself is not something you earn. It is the foundation.

Practice for chapter 11

I am a woman

Why.Under the name “mom,” a woman still lives. With her own body, her own joys, her own desires. She hasn’t gone anywhere—it’s just that no one has asked her in a long time. It is time to give her back at least five minutes a day.

How.

1. Every day, set aside five minutes “for yourself”—not for the house, not for the baby, but for the woman inside.
2. Thank your body. It carried your baby, gave birth, feeds and carries your little one. Write down three things you are grateful to it for.
3. Remember one pursuit or joy of your own from before motherhood—and bring one of them back into your life.

Space to write.

Body gratitude. Three things I am grateful to my body for—0% judgment, 100% gratitude:

• 1.
• 2.
• 3.

One pursuit or joy of my own that I want to bring back into my life:

My five minutes “for myself” today are:

Behind every mom there is a Person.

Practice for chapter 12

From anxiety to trust

Why.Anxiety wants to control everything. But you can’t control everything—and that is not weakness but liberation. There are things that are in our hands. And there are things we can let go of with trust. Wisdom lies in telling them apart.

How.

1. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns: “in my hands” and “not in my hands—I let go.”
2. Write what is worrying you right now into the two columns—honestly.
3. For what is in your hands, take one small step.
4. What is not in your hands, gently entrust. Do what you can, and entrust the rest.
5. And in the evening, write down three things you are grateful for today.

Space to write.

In my hands:

Not in my hands—I let go:

Today’s gratitude. Three things I am grateful for today:

• 1.
• 2.
• 3.

Do what you can—and entrust the rest.

Practice for chapter 13

A circle, not a throne

Why.When a child is at the center of everything, they actually feel anxious—it is too much power for a little person. A child is calmer where they are a beloved part of the circle, not its peak. Where mom and dad also have a place and the right to say “no.”

How.

1. Come up with one shared family ritual where everyone has their own place—a family dinner, an evening circle, a walk together.
2. In a hard moment, pause and ask yourself: “Is this a need or a whim?” Meet a need generously. Weather a whim gently.
3. Practice a kind “no”—calm, without guilt and without shouting. A “no” said with love is care too.

Space to write.Our shared family ritual, where everyone has a place:

Where do I find it hard to tell a need from a whim—and how can I gently say a kind “no”?

There is room in the circle for everyone.

Practice for chapter 14

The heart of the home: love between the grown-ups

Why.The best thing we can give a child is our love for each other. A baby grows up calm where the grown-ups are warm with each other. We were here before the baby—and this bond is worth protecting, not dissolving entirely in parenthood.

How.

1. Find 15 minutes a day for the two of you as a couple—no talk about “the baby.” Just the two of you, as people, not as parents.
2. Remember, and tell each other, what you love in each other.
3. Write it down here—so you can come back to it on hard days.

Gently: if you are parenting on your own, this is not about blame. Your circle of love is always there: someone close to you, a friend, family, the people who are near. The warmth of the grown-ups is about your own support too. Replace “couple” with “close circle”—the essence is the same.

Space to write.What do I love in the person close to me—the one I share this path with (“we were here before you”)?

My 15 minutes today for us as a couple or for my close circle—no talk about “the baby”:

The best thing we can give a child is love for each other.

Practice for chapter 15

Love that lets go

Why.We hold our baby tight so that one day we can let go freely. Children don’t belong to us. All our love is about raising a person who will be able to go their own way. Like little boats we set free on the water.

How.

1. The “little boats” ritual: from time to time, in your mind (or for real, on water), let something go—worry, control, an old fear. As you let go, make a kind wish.
2. Teach your little one to give and to share—as suits their age, gently, without pressure. Example first, then invitation.
3. Every day, find something to say thank you for. Gratitude is a way of seeing the light.

Space to write.What am I ready to let go of today—like a little boat on the water—and what kind wish do I make as I do?

What small good deed did we do together—so that my little one could see how people give and share?

Today’s gratitude:

We hold tight so that one day we can let go freely.